Not from drinking. I'm hung over from my trip. Maybe it's jet lag. But I think I'm hung over from being alone and having freedom. I returned from South Africa last night and the harsh reality that climbed all over me was extremely jarring. I wasn't in the house twenty minutes and Malone thought she had gas, then looked at me and said "I think I pooped a bit in my pants". At the same time Freya took off her diaper and peed on the couch while Stella laid crying on the floor because I trying to get her to take a Hello Kitty costume off and put her pajamas on. 

 I stopped right there. I looked to the heavens and said to myself: "what the f*ck is wrong with me"? I couldn't believe the chaos. The major issue is I felt like somehow my energy, my presence alone was responsible for the girls behaviour. It would have been deeply upsetting to a person who has half a brain; luckily I'm too stupid to get terribly upset or hard on myself. I simply opened up a bottle of champagne (that I promised I wouldn't open until Stella's birthday, I also said no drinking for at least a couple of days) and toasted my return to my spazzed-out life.

 I've had the t.v on all morning; I have got to ease myself back into this mothering thing. Freya woke up at 7:30. She was the last one up. That is unprecedented. If I think about, I bet not one of my siblings will ask me to watch their kids when they go away; I think they're all too scared I will screw them up. I may be the smartest person after all. 

 Cheers, cheers.
 L

 P.S. Go to Cape Town.

-Me and Meg
www.meandmeg.com

Hey lil-sugar readers.  I don’t know if you remember but when we first met I described to you how the Manny (our younger brother, male nanny) and I were attempting to reboot my sister, Leigh.  She was way off track as a mother and we thought it was our duty to help her get back on the path.  Well, it pains me to say we failed. 

The Manny and I have worked very hard with Leigh, we spent November introducing new concepts to her - like putting dirty diapers in the proper receptacles; wiping down high-chairs before the food hardens to a point that it becomes part of the chair.  These systems appeared easy enough for her to handle.  So over the holiday we tried more complex scenarios.  For instance, we attempted to have Leigh follow her fifteen-month-old when she left a room, to alleviate a lot of the frantic searching that goes on.  That proved too difficult; actually it was impossible for her.  More and more, the Manny and I were met by roadblocks; Leigh just could not conquer and move past some "basic" parenting strategies.  In the end, she has failed her rebooting.  While the Manny and I are disappointed, we are not all that surprised and have washed our hands of her.   

We decided all we can hope for is that the kids make it out okay.  As I type this her one daughter is sitting on a stool banging her head against the wall and another is kicking Leigh on the ground.  I know I speak for the Manny when I say we wish things would have had more of a happy ending - but this is the real world.  If there was standardized testing people had to pass prior to becoming parents, Leigh would have failed and never would have been allowed to reproduce.

Just now my sister (who is thirty-five-years-old) asked me to feel her toes in her new running shoes and tell her if they fit. What am I suppose to do with this? You see why we weren’t expecting much.

Cheers.

M.

--Me and Meg
www.meandmeg.com

What up sugs? Meg here.  I know you got a little snippet of who we are from our introduction last week.  I thought it was important this week to get into it with you, for real.  Here are some important things you need to know.  We have a Manny (a male nanny).  His name is Ross and he is our younger brother.  He is great with kids and before he moved we called upon him often to help out.  Now we have to book times and drive our kids to him-lame.

Another extremely significant event, my sister had her third daughter in October 2010, Freya.  Freya is unlike any other child born into our family; she is out of her mind and has brought multiple adults to their knees.  She is unpleasant to be around, always yelling and crying; generally speaking, very high maintenance.  Yes I am referring to my niece.  You would not think I am cold-hearted if you met her.

In the spring, with Freya being six months old, the Manny and I could not take it any longer.  We decided Leigh must have downloaded a virus into her baby.  You know when you mess around with a computer and just click on all sorts of links because you are trying to get to something? Inevitably, you end up downloading a virus. That is what Leigh had done to her precious baby.

Her bad mothering turned innocent little Freya into a crying baby that doesn’t sleep.  Leigh was beyond exhausted so whenever she heard her child crying she just picked it up because she wanted it to stop (Leigh would argue she is just an attentive mother).  Now Freya cries all the time, knowing her mother will be there in a second to pick her up.  The long and the short of it is, the kid sucks.  So the Manny and I took control, we tried to reboot her and download new software; it is not an easy process but clearly Leigh could not handle it. 

What the Manny and I came to realize is that we were wasting our time; Freya is not the problem, simply a manifestation of all that is wrong with her mother.  We abandoned rebooting Freya and have moved onto Leigh.  Starting with half-day training sessions effective immediately and then proceeding to more advanced programs; think J.K. for parenting.

We don’t expect things to change over night; we will let you know how Leigh is progressing.

M.