Be honest ladies, when did these become an option:

I understand if you are wearing a certain ensemble and need some help for the night, fine, rock a pair of Spanx. But daily? I just don't know how you can feel like you are making it happen with these big ol'undies on? I am not suggesting you have to look hot for your man. I'm suggesting you look and feel hot for yourself. Does that sound really lame? Maybe not having thread up your crack makes you feel sexy? Hmm. I'm not convinced. Thongs are not the only option, I understand there are times when you just want to rock a fullback brief. Why not go for something like this:

Why don't we ask Leigh, she loves fleshy tone, nasty fullback underwear. She just got back from her workout...

I think what is most disturbing is that Leigh is going so far as to wear them swimming:

Me and Meg
www.meandmeg.com

Meg wants to have a fourth child. I'm all for it. It's good for business, and she can finally shut our mother up who says "I had four with no help". Meg will be able to say that too, and that excites me. Why hasn't Meg done it yet? Well, she wants a bigger house. Fine. Lately though she's been saying that the age gap is going to be too big. Billie's going to be three, Jax is already seven. I looked her at her confused.

 My response: "you're thrity-one, have another baby". Meg's been talking about getting a dog lately, and got a little dewy-eyed over watching Kai play with rabbits? Huh? Now I know she's in real trouble. You get a dog when you're broody or bored. Or you're kids have talked you into it. I told Meg, you need to have a baby. I reminded her she hates dogs. Next thing I know she's going to come home with a pet hamster. 

If you don't know, Meg has a penchant for small critters,click here: http://www.meandmeg.com/blog/2010/8/9/crab-glory.html. 

 We had a conversation over the weekend, about celebrities and babies. Here's what ensued: 
Me: "Meryl Streep has four kids, I think". 
Meg: "she does, she has had such a great career". 
Me: "I wonder how much of an age gap there is between her kids?" 
Meg: "I am going to google it right now, if there is a big age gap between them,I will have a fourth". 

I must say, I was really impressed with Meg's logic. Does everyone who has such weigthy life-decisions to make use this same tactic? Between Meryl's four kids there is a nine year age gap. This means Meg is having a fourth baby. I am now asking her each morning if she's pregnant. I think she really likes that. Cheers, cheers L.

Me and Meg
www.meandmeg.com

I have no choice but to take-up another cause. My new battle frontier: The Dry Cleaner.  Why? They're trying to shovel kak into my mouth and I won't stand for it any longer.

The blouse vs. the shirt. Scratch that. A woman's shirt vs. a man's shirt. Gender pricing. Sexism at the Cleaners. I don't want to get crazy about the semantics of it all. So let's call it bullshit. Yes, even though I stay at home cleaning in an apron, wearing dresses, sometimes I do wear "blouses" (I hate that word - along with panties).

My husband’s  shirts cost $1.29 to be laundered and pressed. (I charge $4.50 so he's getting a really good deal at the Cleaners). My shirt, which looks the same, (ahem, slightly smaller) costs $5.00.  I was told it's because the "form" the shirts are pressed on is a men's form, and my "blouse" has to be hand pressed.

Really? The manufacturer of the "men's form" hasn't been asked to make one to a fit a woman's shirt? We're going to stand for this? My deodorant costs more, so do my razors among countless other items. Why is that?
Along with wiping capri-pants off the face of the Earth, I'm going to now challenge Dry Cleaners everywhere to make a woman's shirt the same price to clean as a man's.

Billie WILL dress like a Girl. 

Billie thinks she is a boy. 

I realized the chances of her being a tomboy were quite high, what with two older brothers and all. I have absolutely no issue with that, except for where clothing is concerned. I want her to be a tomboy in girlie clothing, is there such a thing? I was hoping she would want to run around, get dirty, climb trees and wrestle all the while wearing a cute dress with her hair in beautiful pigtails. It would seem, she has a different plan. Last summer I could dress her in anything and she was down with it; it was actually a point of pride as I could hold it against Leigh (who at the time was having trouble getting Stella to cooperate with certain items). 

Now, Stella is walking around in gingham blazers and chinos, while Billie has taken on the more stubborn approach her cousin formely adhered to. I am not giving in. I just purchased her a new spring coat; it's girlie but not over the top. I also grabbed a few rompers in floral fabrics - we will see how she handles those. As I type this she is watching Transformers in her Optimus Prime costume. We went shoe shopping last week and she had the audacity to pick out these bad boys: {INSERT PIC HERE} She knows where I stand on licensed goods: undies and pyjamas only. 

I had to talk her off the ledge when she realized we were leaving the store and her Super Hero Squad Crocs were staying put. On a postive note, she did want to wear a hairband last week; but she also spends the majority of her nights playing mini-sticks with brothers - that's a whole other can of worms. Bottom line, I'm not ready for her to dress like a boy. CHeers, Meg Wismer

Meg
meandmeg.com

Jax and I were alone in the car the other day when he exclaimed "mom I just saw a castle up on that hill, it was blue." Knowing the area I knew he was referring to a church. I said to him, "I know what you are talking about, it is actually a church." I paused and then thought "I wonder if he knows what people do at church?"  Obviously I asked him. "Jax what do you think goes on at church?"
 "When people die you go to church for the funeral" he responded. Hmm.

Clearly, Wizz and I do not frequent church. When I was little we attended Sunday school, but from the age of six, I have probably gone to church (for service) maybe a dozen times. Every once in a while our dad would make some proclamation about being a failure as a father for not instilling the importance of attending church, so we would be dragged off. We would attend once and then that would be it for another year or so. That suited me fine. I am not one for organized religion. This also angered my father. How could I make such a statement when I had not read the bible? I was uneducated.

I'm a bit ambivalent about it. Part of me feels like I have a responsibility to take him to church so he can experience it and see what he thinks. At least that way he would know what goes on. I don't need him asking "who died" every time someone says they went to church. What I've realized is I have to open up the religion discussion. I am going to shop around, maybe we will hit temple this weekend and head over to the synagogue next.
With Easter coming I have an opportunity here; our kids think Easter is when the Easter bunny comes and we eat chocolate, that's it. The fact that Jesus rose again (I think, right?) is not even on their radar.  Not sure yet if I care.....

M.

Not from drinking. I'm hung over from my trip. Maybe it's jet lag. But I think I'm hung over from being alone and having freedom. I returned from South Africa last night and the harsh reality that climbed all over me was extremely jarring. I wasn't in the house twenty minutes and Malone thought she had gas, then looked at me and said "I think I pooped a bit in my pants". At the same time Freya took off her diaper and peed on the couch while Stella laid crying on the floor because I trying to get her to take a Hello Kitty costume off and put her pajamas on. 

 I stopped right there. I looked to the heavens and said to myself: "what the f*ck is wrong with me"? I couldn't believe the chaos. The major issue is I felt like somehow my energy, my presence alone was responsible for the girls behaviour. It would have been deeply upsetting to a person who has half a brain; luckily I'm too stupid to get terribly upset or hard on myself. I simply opened up a bottle of champagne (that I promised I wouldn't open until Stella's birthday, I also said no drinking for at least a couple of days) and toasted my return to my spazzed-out life.

 I've had the t.v on all morning; I have got to ease myself back into this mothering thing. Freya woke up at 7:30. She was the last one up. That is unprecedented. If I think about, I bet not one of my siblings will ask me to watch their kids when they go away; I think they're all too scared I will screw them up. I may be the smartest person after all. 

 Cheers, cheers.
 L

 P.S. Go to Cape Town.

Meg Wismer 
meandmeg.com 

It was this way before she stayed with us (incase you don't know, Leigh has gone to South Africa on vacation and left me with her children). The kids always seem to blame Stella for every little thing that goes wrong around here. All of them do it. This is how it went down at breakfast the other day: 

Billie: Mom, my finger is sore. 
Me: Why is it sore? 
Billie: Stella scratched it. She slapped my face and my bum. She's bad. 

A few minutes later I noticed there was ripped paper on the floor. I asked who did it and to clean it up. 

Billie: Stella did it. 
Me: No she didn't 
Billie. Stella isn't even here. 
Kai: No, I did it. 
Billie: Oh. Kai, you're bad. 

That evening I was reading a book to them, the last page was ripped out. 

Me: Who ripped this book?
Billie: Stella did it. 
Me: Billie, Stella doesn't do all the bad stuff around here. 
Billie: Yes. She's bad. She hit my head. Any ripped book in this house is blamed on Stella. 

I have started to ask them really random stuff now, like "Who left the barbecue cover off?" Guess what? It's always Stella. Now that she is staying with us, I realize why they use her so frequently as their scapegoat. Last night my husband asked me "How did dinner get so burnt?" I responded: "Stella did it." 
 
M. 

Me and Meg
meandmeg.com

So, I want a new bag. More specifically I would like a tan coloured bag that I can wear; lately I have really been wanting to be hands free. After a little shopping around I think I found something I like. Now the problemo is, how do I get it? I don't know how things run around your parts, but if I come home with a purchase over twenty dollars I usually have some explaining to do and said bag runs well over twenty dollars. I am not complaining, I love my life;I just love buying clothes too, but Wizzy likes saving and worrying about tomorrow. He's so silly. 

I think I have come up with the perfect solution. I am going to take a page out of the kids book and ask for it five thousand times until Wizz has no option except to relent. It's perfect. I started the campaign yesterday, here is a little snippet of how I have been implementing my plan thus far: 

Wizz: "Hey babe, do you want me to grab Jax from the bus?" 
Me: "Yeah, thanks. Oh and buy me that bag I want while you are at it. Thanks." 
Wizz: "What time do you have to leave tonight?" 
Me: "Well since you want me to go buy myself that bag, I need to leave around 5 pm." 
Me: "Can you grab a few things on your way home?" 
Wizz: "Sure, what do you need?" 
Me: "Fresh rosemary, lemons, 2% milk, and that new bag I emailed you. Just pop over to the mall for that." 

I have high hopes for this plan. Kids are really successful with it, so I think I can harness some of their power and get what I want.



M.

Me and Meg
www.meandmeg.com


Words, I'm bringing back. 

My vocabulary is at an all-time low. Last night while reading Fancy Nancy, I learned some new words; it's tragic. I need to broaden my patois. Here are a few words I would like to see make a resurgence. 

1. Shucks- as used to express disappointment. If I could exchange shucks for shit, I would almost stop swearing entirely ( I need to find a replacement for f*ck, a good one though, not fudge). 

2. Salon. As in: I'm going to the hair salon today, or the nail salon. I don't get hairdresser. You don't leave there with clothes on your head. 

3. Bedlam-I need synonyms for confusion and chaos. This will do. 

4. Cachinnate. My father use to say "don't cachinnate in front of anyone, you sound like a hyena". 

5. Whilst. My husband says this, I like it. It is so much more refined than while. 

6. Pedantic. This word gets a lot of use in South Africa (where I lived for three years), I don't hear people say it in Canada. 

7. Calamity. Any word I can use instead of disaster is amazing; actually it's refreshing considering how many diasters I deal with daily. 

 8. Lollygag. I say "hurry up" way too much. Stop lollygagging sounds softer, nicer. Here's an example of how I sounded last year:

Here is the new and improved Leigh: 

That sounds lame. 
Shit.
I don't think I can express myself without swearing. 

Cheers,
cheers L